ENOUGH ALREADY!

I'm tired of hating my body. I am at my highest weight ever (215). None of my pants or skirts really fit anymore. I have been making some moves to really start working on not just the physical aspects of this problem but also the mental and emotional aspects.

As to clothes, I have made a list of the basics that I need (2 bras, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of slacks, and some underwear). I bought the bras and jeans the other day, and I was very proud of how I handled it! I went into the stores with the mindset of not really caring about the number - I just want clothes that fit and are comfortable! I got two great bras that give me lovely support and shape and two great pairs of jeans that fit just right (no muffin top, not cutting off my circulation, and yet flattering). I even bought a belt so that maybe my jeans with have a smoother look even when sitting. I plan to have this same mindset when I shop for slacks and underwear. I realize that the clothes I am buying right now are larger sizes than in the past, but I want to be comfortable no matter what size I am. I am tired of putting my life on hold thinking that I have to lose weight before I can buy clothes that fit. I am tired of putting my life on hold for weight loss on the whole. This is not to say that I don't want to lose weight - I know I need to. But if I am doing it right it will take time, so I would rather be comfortable through the whole journey.

As to my personal work on the mental/emotional aspects I have made the decision to pull on every resource I can. I am working my way through normal/intuitive eating books that not only help me look at my eating behavior but also my beliefs and feelings about food, eating, weight, and my body. I know this will take a lot of time and work, but I want to be healthier in mind as well as body so badly! I am also planning to look at a book called the Insulin Resistance Diet (NOT to say that I am going on a diet) so that I might start trying to manage my PCOS through diet and exercise. Another way I am working on my mental/emotional state is trying to make the space I live in more peaceful and less stressful. A big part of this will require working on this with Aaron. We BOTH live here and have to contribute to make it a peaceful home.

A major factor in my weight/body issues is that I am lazy! I'm just not a workout fanatic, but I am too much of a fan of my couch. I know that I have felt better when I am moving more. This will not only include regular, conscious exercise, but I think just keeping up with my regular housekeeping can help. Hey, kill two birds with one stone, right?

Okay, this feels like a lot of rambling, so I need to summarize. Things I am doing to improve my life: reading positive literature (my Bible studies and intuitive eating books), moving more, reaching out to the resources I have (especially the people that I love and who love me!), positive thinking.

Today, I am doing some housework, catching up on my reading, and trying a new workout video.

If I lose weight, that is great, but I really just want to develop a healthier life inside and outside.